Burnout comes in many different shapes and sizes, but some of the common symptoms include apathy, exhaustion, cynicism, a reduced interest in things you usually enjoy, irritability, an inability to think clearly, dizziness, and insomnia.
Once you recognize the signs of burnout, you need to value yourself enough to do something about it. Often, we hear all the messages that encourage us to work harder with our kids, and for longer hours, but we don’t hear the counter-balance to that: We also need rest. Try to value yourself as you might value your child, or a best friend or loved one. You have intrinsic value regardless of how much you have or what you do. Basic skills of assertiveness are essential if you are to avoid burnout. When you don’t communicate your feelings or needs, you end up resentful, frustrated, and sometimes at risk of mental or physical damage. (As I mention in other articles, burnout can have a detrimental impact on the functioning of your brain.) Assertiveness is not aggression and assertiveness is not passivity. It is a calm, measured way of communicating your feelings and needs effectively. When you use skills of assertiveness, you are better able to maintain boundaries. These need to be continuously communicated in all parts of your life (at home and work, with an intimate partner and with friends and family). Some people also like to ensure there are healthy boundaries when it comes to technology. Many people I work with have “no-technology zones.” Finally, continuously review the different parts of your life for any signs of burnout. Sometimes when we feel like a healthy balance has been struck in our home life, things are out of balance at work. If you need to talk to a professional about burnout, you can reach out via the following details: Explore Transform psychotherapy. Ridgewood, New Jersey. www.exploretransform.com (201) 779-6917 chris@exploretransform.com Chris Warren-Dickins Psychotherapist & Author As a parent, it’s hard to prioritize our mental and physical health. However, if we don’t, we are likely to experience burnout at least once during our parenting years.
If you need to give yourself permission to assess yourself for signs of burnout, think of yourself as a healthy role model for your children: You want them to avoid burnout, so if you are vigilant for the signs, they will be too. In another article, I mentioned the signs to look out for. Very briefly, these can include irritation, exhaustion, a lack of motivation, and a loss of interest in things in the things you once enjoyed. If you do suspect burnout, it is of no surprise. You have likely parented through a pandemic, and technology poses its own challenges. For example, our parents never had to endure the constant social media updates, where different approaches to parenting are compared and contrasted at the speed of light. Give yourself permission to focus on your own values, as those will guide your own unique approach to parenting. Also give yourself a chance to enjoy the quality of parenting rather than the quantity. And finally, it is important that your children feel the edge of your boundaries. That way, they will learn how to skillfully manage situations where they have to say “no,” “not right now,” or even “I can’t do that, but I can offer this.” When it comes to mental health, I’m sure your kids will be fine. After all, they are benefiting from a wealth of research from neuroscientists, psychologists, and psychiatrists. But what about you? Now is the time to reverse the learning process and look our for ways that you can look after your mental health, as, I am sure, they are already about learning about at school. If you need to talk to a professional about burnout, you make contact via this page. Chris Warren-Dickins Psychotherapist & Author in Ridgewood, New Jersey Studies show that burnout can thin the gray matter of your prefrontal cortex (you need this part of your brain to reason and make decisions), and it can enlarge the amygdala (the brain’s alarm system). As a result, you can end up producing more stress hormones which can damage blood vessels and arteries and raise your blood pressure.
Burnout has a significant impact on your concentration, which can threaten your work and home life. There is a vicious cycle produced by this because you can end up spending longer on tasks, which can intensify the symptoms of burnout, because you have less time for rest and relaxation. With low self-esteem, you are less likely to enforce boundaries that might prevent burnout. For example, you end up doing more for someone because you believe your value is conditional on pleasing them. Studies show that low self-esteem can lead to higher rates of depression and anxiety. Burnout has a negative impact on motivation, which in turn can increase the likelihood of depression, leading to a negative impact on personal relationships. If you need to talk to a professional about burnout, you can reach out via this contact page. I recorded this video a couple of years ago, when I explored TikTok a little. I'm still not sure what to make of that, and social media as a whole, but... Many people have told me that this particular video was useful to help them understand what psychotherapy is all about. So I wanted you to see it too. Let me know what you think! Chris Warren-Dickins Psychotherapist & Author in Ridgewood, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com Fall into loving kindness...? The jokes might get old but mindfulness never will. Mindfulness is a useful tool to combat anxiety, stress, and depression. One example of a mindfulness exercise is the Loving Kindness Meditation. This can help to cultivate kindness to yourself, and to others. From the perspective of polyvagal theory, mindfulness exercises are just one way to activate the vagal 'brake'. Your vagus nerve slows your heart rate down when your body and mind might otherwise get stuck in the "fight or flight" response of the sympathetic nervous system. To stay too much in the sympathetic state can contribute to anxiety and panic attacks, and it can lead to higher levels of stress hormones, including cortisol and epinephrine. Increased levels of epinephrine damage blood vessels and arteries and raise blood pressure, and excessive cortisol levels result in an increased fat tissue. I hope you find this useful. If you have any questions about this, please get in touch. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Explore Transform LLC Counseling and Psychotherapy in Bergen County, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com +1 (201) 779-6917 Epictetus once advised that you shouldn’t moor a ship with just one anchor. The same can be said about the ways you keep yourself feeling safe, calm, and regulated. If you rely on just one or two methods, these can lose their effectiveness. Or we might develop an aversion to them because of overuse, or because of the development of a negative association.
According to Polyvagal Theory, when we talk about feeling safe, calm, and regulated, we are referring to the ventral vagal state. This is just one of three different states that the nervous system can be in, the other two being sympathetic (fight/flight) state or a dorsal vagal (shut down) state. Once you recognize when you feel safe and calm, you can use memories of these times to keep your nervous system regulated. Under times of stress, it can be hard to remember that there are times when we have felt open-hearted, curious, joyful, or energized, so your therapist can help you to anchor these, so they are easier to refer to. Think about when you have felt safe and calm, and make a note of who was involved, what you were doing, where you were, and when this occurred. So we don’t rely on just one anchor, think of at least two examples for each of the following categories: Who: Example: When I am around my closest friends (the “aunties” to my children), I feel safe and calm. (1)Who makes you feel safe and calm: _________________________________ (2)Who makes you feel safe and calm: _________________________________ What: Example: When my kids are cuddling into me, or when I feel the purr of my cats. (1)What makes you feel safe and calm: _________________________________ (2)What makes you feel safe and calm: _________________________________ Where: Example: When I am in my garden and I watch the birds flying around me. (1)Where do you feel safe and calm: ___________________________________ (2)Where do you feel safe and calm: ___________________________________ When: Example: First thing in the morning, when the house is still before anyone wakes up. (1)When you feel safe and calm: ______________________________________ (2)Who you feel safe and calm: _______________________________________ These categories were suggested by Deb Dana in her book Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection, and she encourages you to note these examples of being in your ventral vagal state, making a note on post-it notes that you can stick up around your home. Once you identify these resource memories, you can “tap” these in at least once a day. In other articles I have explained the concept of “butterfly taps” but, by way of a brief recap, this involves gently and slowly tapping your chest with your hands. When you tap your chest back and forth you activate the vagus nerve, which acts as a “brake” on your sympathetic nervous system, slowing and calming your body and mind down. I hope you find this useful. There are plenty more resources on my website, so have a look around. And if anything is unclear, please contact me. Chris Warren-Dickins Explore Transform LLC Counseling and Psychotherapy in Bergen County, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com +1 (201) 779-6917 Blog roundup from Explore Transform counseling and psychotherapy. Specializing in trauma and EMDR. Book a free callback today. Explore Transform LLC Counseling and Psychotherapy in Bergen County, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com +1 (201) 779-6917 Depression is greatly associated with stress and trauma. When our nervous system is overwhelmed, so there is not even the hope of fighting or fleeing, we collapse. According to the latest research, 14.8 million U.S. adults had at least one major depressive episode with severe impairment in the past year (Anxiety and Depression Association of America).
I am a firm believer in empowering people with knowledge, so I want to share with you a particular type of EMDR that works particularly well with depression, and that is called DeprEnd EMDR. When we first talk to you, we will create an event map of all your depressive episodes, and we will cover your whole life, not just the current or most recent episode. We are looking for triggers for the depression but this can be hard as depression often lingers in the background, like an impending storm. We then need to see how you deal with everyday stressors. If you are having a particularly hard time, we might spend a little longer in the initial phase of this protocol, helping you to develop and use resources to better able these stressors. We also need to assess whether you can establish and use a safe place. This is a place or a memory that you can use to make you feel safe and calm, and it can be as simple as the image of a waterfall, lake, or beach. As we work within this phase, we will use slow eye movements to help reinforce the positive associations with these resources. We then move into the main part of DeprEnd EMDR, which is to choose episode triggers to reprocess. Reprocess means using rapid eye movements, pulsers, or toners, to desensitize these episodes and install more positive beliefs and associations. So we could reprocess stressful life events that took place one or two months before the depressive episodes. Some therapists use the Beck Depression Inventory (BDI) to measure improvement but other therapists find these measures to be restrictive, and they prefer to work collaboratively with the client to agree on an assessment of how the client is doing in response to the work. A focus of EMDR includes an identification of the negative belief/cognition related to that distressing memory. With DeprEnd EMDR, we also seek to identify a negative belief/cognition about the depressive episodes. For example, a prevailing belief might be “I am worthless”. In this case, we would ask you what in your life proves you are worthless, find a present trigger for that belief, identify the body affect, and float back on that body affect to find an earlier memory that represents this belief. However, EMDR does not just focus on the beliefs associated with depression. We are aware that the body holds onto a great deal of stress and trauma, and so we will work with you to identify (and reprocess, using rapid eye movements) depressive body states. The final part of the DeprEnd EMDR protocol is to rehearse future triggers for depressive episodes. We will ask you to identify the worst part of the anticipated future trigger (for example, seeing the sadness in your partner’s eyes), and we will help you to identify the quality you need to anticipate that (for example, courage or compassion). We will identify an image that represents that quality (for example, the image of you hugging yourself), we will get you to identify where you feel that in your body, and add rapid eye movements to that. Even though depression might be an inevitable part of our everyday life, the suffering can be reduced with a little bit of support and professional guidance. Take care of yourself. ~~~ I wonder if you have read anything that creates more questions in you. If you would like to explore these questions, I am here. You can reach out by calling, texting, or emailing me. Or you can use the contact form on the About page of this website. ~~~ Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Explore Transform LLC Counseling and Psychotherapy in Bergen County, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com +1 (201) 779-6917 #trauma #depression #anxiety #emdr #therapist #psychotherapy #counseling #BergenCounty #NewJersey Here is a summer collection of our recent blog posts.
We hope you find these useful. Book online today for a free callback. Alternatively, you can email us at chris@exploretransform.com or call us on +1 (201) 779-6917. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Explore Transform LLC Counseling and Psychotherapy in Bergen County, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com +1 (201) 779-6917 This is a fast-paced world that feels like it is spinning faster by the day: You jump each time there is a notification on your phone, your head spins from the incessant interruptions from your kids, you are constantly asked to work harder and quicker, and there are constantly new challenges from the wider environment (deteriorating air quality, intensifying storms, and increasing food prices, just to name a few). Now more than ever, there is a need to carve out space for a slower existence. Therapy can offer you that space, and it can take many different forms: Your therapist might invite you to slow down so you notice your breath, they might encourage you to slow down and scan your body, they might help you to slowly learn how to mindfully notice your emotions without having to respond to them, and they can help you to slow down your thought process so you can identify any short-circuited thought patterns. Years ago, when I trained as a psychotherapist I was also working as an attorney in London (UK). So, I know something about a frantic pace. But I also know how much of a toll it took on my physical and emotional well-being. That was when some observant person gave me the book In Praise of Slow, by Carl Honore. You’ll like this bit: “Our impatience is so implacable that, as actress-author Carrie Fisher quipped, even “instant gratification takes too long.” True, right? We are impatient, yes, but I think it is understandable when it comes to therapy. After all, we seek out therapy when we are troubled, in distress, in despair even, so why should we slow down and prolong that misery? The truth is, quick-fix solutions rarely, if ever, work. That is true of most things, whether it is a broken leg, mind, or spirit. Forming a relationship with your therapist takes time, and so it should do. Trust is not a given, and it needs to develop slowly. As a clinician, I need to take a bit of time to assess how easily you can pendulate between the past (for example, the story of your trauma) and the present. If I rush this process, I run the risk of overwhelming your nervous system and leaving you stuck in a trauma response. Important work that sometimes feels like slow work. Telling yourself that you are safe is insufficient. Instead, your body needs to feel safe and calm, and as Bessel van der Kolk pointed out by naming his book this way, The Body Keeps the Score. Often we can only heal when we slowly start to feel this in our body, when our nervous system comes out of shut-down, freeze, fight, or flight, and feels safe and calm and connected to yourself and the world around you. When I use EMDR with my clients, one of the final stages of the EMDR protocol is to do a body scan, where we check to see how the body feels when we bring up the distressing memory. Directionless rushing How can we rush the healing process when we don’t know where we are going? We need to feel better, but that is hard to identify, especially if we have grown up experiencing trauma. We can assume that our trauma responses are our natural state, and it can come as quite a surprise when we realize that we are not restless people, blank-minded, or emotionless, but we have been stuck in these trauma responses for so long. So we need to go slowly to reacquaint ourselves with who we are. Sort of like putting together the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle when we haven’t a clear picture of the end result. Again, this might take some time. In this fast-paced world, a world with so much trauma, what better way to heal, to show yourself that you are safe and of value, than to try a bit of slow healing. Take care of yourself. ~~~ I wonder if you have read anything that creates more questions in you. If you would like to explore these questions, I am here. You can reach out by calling, texting, or emailing me. Or you can use the contact form on the About page of this website. ~~~ Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Explore Transform LLC Counseling and Psychotherapy in Bergen County, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com +1 (201) 779-6917 #trauma #psychotherapy #NewJersey Psychotherapist Chris Warren-Dickins welcomes you to Explore Transform counseling and psychotherapy, based in Ridgewood, New Jersey.
Book online today for a free callback. Alternatively, you can email us at chris@exploretransform.com or call us on +1 (201) 779-6917. Many EMDR therapists use polyvagal theory to help someone understand that their body and mind are responding in a certain way because it is biologically built to do this. Your nervous system is responding to cues of danger or safety, and so symptoms of anxiety, depression, and trauma responses, are easier to understand when we view our nervous system as a ladder (as shown in the diagram below).
At the bottom of the nervous system ladder, in response to cues of danger, our nervous system can shut down. Here we can feel numb, blank-minded, even depressed. Think of how we might be caught by the saber-tooth tiger; our nervous system cleverly shuts us down so we do not feel the pain of the bite of the tiger. This is the work of the part of the parasympathetic nervous system that is known as the dorsal vagal response. In the middle of the nervous system ladder, in response to cues of danger that we have a hope of escaping, our nervous system will respond by increasing our heart rate so we can fight or flee the danger. Here we can find outbursts of anger and anxiety, and this is the work of the sympathetic nervous system. Finally, at the top of the nervous system ladder, we find the most evolved response, in response to cues of safety, when we can connect with ourselves and others. Thanks to our parasympathetic nervous system, this is the ventral vagal response. Together, we will help you to notice and name the different states, and you can use this awareness to flex in and out of the various states as appropriate. I hope you found this useful. Please get in contact if you need to discuss any of this. Book online today for a free callback. Alternatively, you can email us at chris@exploretransform.com or call us on +1 (201) 779-6917. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Explore Transform LLC Counseling and Psychotherapy in Bergen County, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com +1 (201) 779-6917 Last month there was an initiative to raise more awareness about sexual assault. At least one in six men have been sexually violated (1in6.org), and experts say that the number is probably even higher because men are less likely to report when they have been sexually assaulted or raped.
According to 1in6.org, it takes a man an average of 22 years to speak about his experiences as a survivor of sexual violation. Society conditions men to remain silent, and to hide their vulnerability. If a man were to report his own sexual violation, this might be viewed (by some) as a direct contradiction to this conditioning. This might mean a man might not recognize himself as a survivor of sexual violation, or he is too ashamed to report it, or other people might not believe him. Another issue is that society often interprets men’s behavior through the lens of aggression or anger, rather than an expression of distress, including a sign that they have experienced trauma. This is further complicated when people confuse sexuality and sexual violence, assuming sexual violence is sexual act rather than an act of violence. As a result, many people fail to appreciate the number of straight men who are a survivor of sexual violence. If you have experienced sexual violation, or you know someone who has, you might feel emotionally numb, or you might be stuck in hypervigilance, which means you are easily startled or quick to get angry or upset. Here is a little more on each of these concepts – Emotionally numb – Another term for this is dissociation. To survive the experience of sexual violation, your brain might have shut down for a moment. It did what it needed to, otherwise the experience might have been overwhelming. The trouble is, the danger has now passed, so you need to reconnect with your emotions, your thoughts, and your body. With the help of a trained professional, such as a psychotherapist, you can learn some grounding exercises, to become aware of your whole self. It is important to know that you have not necessarily become emotionally numb forever. It was a survival mode that should, with the right help, become a temporary state. Hypervigilance, easy to become startled or get angered or upset – If you were sexually violated, your body probably went into fight or flight mode. Your sympathetic nervous system kicked in, sending the blood pumping around your body, and readying your body to fight or flee. The trouble is, you were not able to get away, and so your brain and body are still stuck in that fight or flight mode, stuck in hypervigilance. It is as if your brain and body have unfinished business, leaving your brain on edge, and causing you to jump at even the slightest sudden noise, smell, touch or thought. You are still ready for attack, long after the danger has gone. All of this can have an impact on your intimate relationships, your sense of trust of other people, the way you work, your concentration levels, your sleep, and your appetite. It is also a constant drain on your body. You may deal with it by isolating yourself or trying to keep things under excessive control (which, in turn, leads others to tire of you, dismissing you unkindly as a ‘control freak’). You may even engage in substance abuse, as a way of escaping this constant sense of panic. What can help Talking to a trained professional, such as a psychotherapist, is an important step to take. With the help of a psychotherapist, you will do three things –
There are different types of psychotherapy available, and one particularly effective approach for trauma is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy (EMDR). EMDR is recognized as an “A” level of treatment for trauma, recommended by the World Health Organization and the National Institute for Clinical Excellence. There are other types of therapy, and most will focus on your thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations. It is important to include work on the body, as that acts as a bridge between your thoughts and emotions. You hold a great deal of your trauma in your body, causing all sorts of physical symptoms including stomach cramps, constipation, migraines, and nausea. No matter what approach your therapist takes, it is essential that you look out for your negative, self-critical voice. If you are the survivor of sexual violation, and you are carrying shame, this critical voice will be turned up to full volume. Work with your therapist to turn down the volume on this critical voice, replacing judgement with understanding. Understand that your thoughts, emotions and body may have done all sorts of things to survive the sexual violation. For example, you might have engaged in escapist behavior, such as denial or substance abuse, or you may have lashed out (at others or yourself) with the rage that you were feeling. Understand that this was what you had to do to survive. These might not have been constructive coping mechanisms, but they were all you had to survive, and now is the time to replace these with more helpful coping mechanisms. I hope you found this useful. Please get in contact if you need to discuss any of this. Book online today for a free callback. Alternatively, you can email us at chris@exploretransform.com or call us on +1 (201) 779-6917. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Explore Transform LLC Counseling and Psychotherapy in Bergen County, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com +1 (201) 779-6917 What do COVID vaccinations, the assassination of JFK, and the moon landing all have in common? They have all been the subject of conspiracy theories. And there are plenty more. According to research carried out by Pew Research Center, more than half of Americans have heard of QAnon, one of the better-known conspiracy groups of recent times. For as many blog posts, updates on Instagram, and TikToks, there are as many variations in the perception of reality. This is a good and bad thing. On the one hand, it is healthy to think critically about the information we are given. On the other, we can end up straying too far from common sense, putting us and others in danger
A sense of belonging and identity Conspiracy theories, extremism, even intolerance, can all give someone a sense of belonging and identity. This is especially so if someone accepts those conspiracy theories, extreme views or intolerance from friends or family members. Our emotions serve as a significant motivator for our behavior, and if the choice is between rejection of those views or a sense of belonging, often we will choose a sense of belonging. As psychology professor Arie W. Kruglanski points out, one of the appealing factors of extremism is the “ideological narrative—the story a terrorist group tells to justify its actions,” justifying the actions according to “group values.” Group values can give someone a sense of belonging or identity, and that can be quite attractive when someone has low self-esteem, or they feel isolated. Our fear of uncertainty When we create conspiracy theories or we hold extreme views, we claim to know "the truth", whether or not we have the evidence to back it up. We prefer this false sense of certainty because our brains are hardwired to fear uncertainty. For our predecessors, uncertainty posed a significant threat: It meant that we might not survive the night, we might not know where we would find food or shelter, and we might not know whether that beast was going to devour us. In the twenty-first century, we still fear uncertainty with the same sense of mortal dread, and so some of us would prefer to cling to the certainty of conspiracy theories or extreme views, rather than embrace that uncertainty. This is especially true if we have survived trauma. Research shows that we are more likely to adopt black-and-white thinking to avoid the uncertainty we fear. A growth in technology Before the cell phone and social media, conspiracy theories might have been a problem confined to small ripples in social circles. But every post, like and retweet transforms these half-baked ideas into verified authority. We haven’t got the time to verify every last piece of information, so we rely on information from others, and, as a result, we can quickly drift from any semblance of reality. And if we were just talking about us adults, that’s one thing, but as Helen Lovejoy said in the Simpsons, “Won’t someone please think of the children!”. According to the United Nations, the internet is one of the main strategies used to recruit children to extremism, and the same can be said for conspiracy theories. Pandemics = Conspiracy theories, extremism, and intolerance It is no coincidence that we are examining conspiracy theories as we emerge from a pandemic. History shows us that conspiracy theories, extremism, and intolerance thrive during times of crisis and upheaval. Most pandemics followed this pattern, whether it was the cholera epidemics between the 1830s and 1860s or the 1918 influenza pandemic which killed fifty million worldwide. As Ervin Staub points out in The Roots of Evil: The Psychological and Cultural Origins of Genocide and Other Forms of Group Violence, acts of extremism such as genocides “often arise under conditions of acute societal uncertainty.” Distress tolerance, and rebuilding a sense of belonging and identity So what to do about all of this? If our fear of uncertainty is keeping us reaching for conspiracy theories, extremism and intolerance as much as our quick fix of social media, we need to learn how to reduce the distress associated with uncertainty. Your brain is an amazing flexible tool, so it can relearn as much of what it has learned already. This includes learning to tolerate uncertainty. Sometimes this can follow a basic exposure approach, where we identify uncertainty in our daily life, and then adopt a mindful approach as we breathe through the discomfort of it. That way, our brain can learn that this is survivable. You can also identify where you might have made assumptions to fill the gap of uncertainty, checking the facts and challenging some of those black-and-white thought patterns. In addition, you can identify other ways to develop a sense of belonging and identity, ways that are more constructive than conspiracy theories, extremism, and intolerance. I hope you find all of this helpful. If you have any questions, get in touch. Book online today for a free callback. Alternatively, you can email us at chris@exploretransform.com or call us on +1 (201) 779-6917. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Explore Transform LLC Counseling and Psychotherapy in Bergen County, New Jersey www.exploretransform.com +1 (201) 779-6917 #ConspiracyTheories, #Extremism, #Intolerance, #Polarization, #MentalHealth, #Depression, #Anxiety, #Stress, #Self-Esteem, #Counseling, #Psychotherapy, #FindATherapist, #Ridgewood, #BergenCounty, #NewJersey, #teletherapy, #FindACounselor I originally wrote this article a whole year ago, but much has changed since. So I thought I would dust it down and reissue it.
So much is going on in the world that I can understand why rates of anxiety and depression are escalating. When it comes to our relationships (intimate partners, work colleagues, family members, or friends), anxiety and depression can make a significant impact. So you need to have a few strategies at your fingertips, and one important strategy is an ability to maintain boundaries. In a relationship you bring your own baggage. You may feel more easily triggered, or scared, or angry, in certain situations that are beyond the control of your loved one(s). When it comes to your emotions, there are no rights or wrongs. You feel how you feel, but it is how you act on it, and how you communicate those emotions, that counts. This is where boundary-setting comes in. Boundaries help you to establish the space within which you can -
One approach to all of this is to use DEAR skills to set boundaries with love. DEAR skills were developed by Marsha Linehan, who created Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Here is a quick three-minute run-down on using DEAR skills to set boundaries with love -
If DEAR skills are new to you, start slowly. Try one or two parts of it the next time you need to set your boundaries with love. But that's not all... When you try to set boundaries, the relationship can be strained for a while. If this is the case, consider the following ten tips to nourish your relationship -
I hope you find all of this helpful. If you have any questions, get in touch. Book online today for a free callback. Alternatively, you can email us at chris@exploretransform.com or call us on +1 (201) 779-6917. Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC Explore Transform LLC Counseling and Psychotherapy in Bergen County, New Jersey (and beyond) www.exploretransform.com +1 (201) 779-6917 |